How to Forgive

It's a story-based, spiritual explanation.

There isn't a single person walking on this earth that has never been wronged by another, which means we have also wronged others.

None of us is perfect, and we were all born into the exact sinful human nature. As a result, we often do things that hurt others unknowingly. Some do it on purpose, but I'll get to it later.

When we get hurt, our emotions start acting out, but we don't stop to think about the cause, only the outcome; "It hurts because of them." To preserve our ego and smooth the blow, we make an instant connection by labeling the other person as bad because what they have done to us matches how it feels. Ultimately, our finger points at them, and our emotions do not see anything beyond that.

Blame ➡️ It's the reason why it's so hard to forgive. Blame the blame.

Romans 2:1

"You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things."

How not to blame?

Gain knowledge. Stop thinking about the particular situation and return to the basics by learning WHY people act this way. By that, I don't mean going into details of a situation, but on the contrary, distance yourself and think of the bigger picture.

Exodus 20:5

“You must not make for yourself an idol of any kind or an image of anything in the heavens or on the earth or in the sea. You must not bow down to them or worship them, for I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God who will not tolerate your affection for any other gods. I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me."

It's a generational curse.

As mentioned before, we are all born into sinful human nature, but have you noticed that some have a much heavier burden than others? For example, a family of raving narcissists will usually breed another generation in "its image."

Like the tree and its branches, in this case, it's a Family Tree. If one branch becomes sick, how can the next that comes from it be healthy? It cannot. The saying, "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree," tells the same principle.

My biggest challenge was forgiving my mother and brother. She is a narcissist, and my brother is her golden boy. I was a scapegoat.

What helped me gain understanding was getting to know my grandparents, aunts, and my uncles. My mother has four sisters and a brother. Growing up, I did not see her brother much, and one of her sisters was very quiet and distanced. The entire family always said hateful things about him, and I could not understand it; no one ever gave me any logical explanation. I always remembered his kind eyes and the pain behind them. I did not believe he could be the evil they portrayed him as. But I'm good at reading energy, and the evil wasn't there.

When I returned to Poland in my mid-20s to visit, I could finally spend time alone with them and hear what comes out of their hearts without others venting their opinions. That's just me; I don't do small talk. I want to know the heart.

I learned that my grandparent's marriage was arranged, and my grandma did not want it. There was no love, but she had no choice. Her parents were harsh to her, so they chose a husband that resembled their qualities. Everyone else treated my grandma with contempt because that's how her husband treated her, and his ego made him "seem" stronger, so they followed his example.

I went to see my uncle, and when I asked why he stayed away from the rest, his emotions spilled, and he broke down in tears. He was a scapegoat, like me. He hasn't done anything; they hated his kindness. The same was with my quiet aunt; she kept to herself and tried to mask the pain with laughter and louder small talk, but I could read it all over her face.

The other sisters presented themselves as perfect. Even though they had nice houses and achievements, they could not fake good hearts. Their compliments were backhanded. Their looks could kill, and they tried to mask it with fake care in the form of advice by pointing out the flaws of others. I could never reach the heights of their pedestals. Nothing was genuine, and their presence was incredibly draining.

I met with my father's side of the family, and it was the same story, but with different faces. Everyone gossiped about the other.

A gossip is a form of judgment.

• 1 Corinthians 4:5 "So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time—before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due."

Repeat pattern

My parents continued the behavior of their parents, their parents of their parents, and it goes down to those who seriously offended God by worshipping idols.

You may think, "Oh, it's not fair!" but really? Everyone in my family, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and even my brother, who thinks of himself as a "saved Christian," has those same idols on display. Some more than others, but it takes one. I think my grandma had the most; "saints" on the walls, figurines, crosses, "queen of heaven," and whatnot.

I was freshly "reformed" when I spent time with her all those years ago. She would vent off through gossiping. I always cut her off as I couldn't stand it. Even though I was still a "baby" in my faith, I tried to open her eyes through the things she was doing. I turned her eyes inward.

Matthew 7:3-5

“And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own? How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye? Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend’s eye."

I preached to her about Jesus Christ. At the time, it felt like I didn't know what I was doing, but now I know that the Holy Spirit was with me, not yet in me, but next to me.

Until then, she believed the statues she collected were "holy." She thought that the more of them she had, the more "protection" was over her. I asked her, "If I broke them, would they still be a "god?" Her eyes opened, and her mouth dropped. She didn't know what to say, so she kept listening, so I continued, "Do you think this little ceramic figurine created that tree outside the house?" She grasped for air but did not argue, so she lowered her head. Finally, she realized how stupid it was.

I told her that Jesus Christ is real, even though she cannot see Him. He hears her gossiping, and He's looking at her right now, and He hates her figurines because He doesn't look like any of them.

• Proverbs 5:21 "For the Lord sees clearly what a man does, examining every path he takes."

She straightened herself and started looking around. Then, finally, she got aware of God's presence!

I could see a change in her attitude and speech. Later she removed most of her statues but kept the "cross." I let it go, thinking, "Ok, baby steps." She was cautious not to gossip again, and since she got aware of God's presence, she didn't seem so sad and lonely anymore.

How did she look inward so fast? I paid attention to her thoughts and feelings. No one did that for her, not even herself. "Friends" usually help with finger-pointing.

Before I left back to the States, I made her understand that her time is coming and she should make it right with God before she died because there won't be a do-over, and she had no better things to do. After I left, I heard that she reconnected with her son. But unfortunately, she passed away a few years later. Did she go all the way and repent? Only time will tell.

I shared my faith with other family members, but it backfired! I got shamed for not "continuing in tradition." A tradition of idolatry. They preferred what they already knew and did not have the urgency of old age, even though some passed away shortly after.

The moral of the story

• The key is to look inward.

• Nothing will ever change if everyone keeps pointing fingers at the other person.

• Forgiving others without acknowledging your faults and seeking forgiveness yourself is impossible.

• It starts WITHIN.

• How much insight someone has depends on the strength of their ego. An inflated ego is less likely to reflect. Humility is required.

Luke 5:32

"I have come to call not those who think they are righteous, but those who know they are sinners and need to repent.”

1 John 1:8-10

"If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. If we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts."

Create a New Tradition of Faithfulness and Love for God and others

Exodus 20:6

"But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on THOSE WHO LOVE ME and obey my commands."

Example:

Noah and his family. His family was saved only because of Noah.

• Genesis 7:1 "When everything was ready, the Lord said to Noah, “Go into the boat with all your family, for among all the people of the earth, I can see that you alone are righteous."

1 Peter 3:20-21

"Those who disobeyed God long ago when God waited patiently while Noah was building his boat. Only eight people were saved from drowning in that terrible flood. And that water is a picture of baptism, which now saves you, not by removing dirt from your body, but as a response to God from a CLEAN CONSCIENCE. It is effective because of the resurrection of Jesus Christ."

Early in my life, I consciously decided which way to go; good or evil. How early? I was in kindergarten. I was always mature beyond my years; was it because I got robbed of my childhood, or was I born this way? I don't know. (Read my story)

We all make that decision for ourselves at some point in our lives. Some do it sooner, some later. Others without insight don't even consider it; they automatically follow the cursed path, especially if rewarded for their behavior. I know how much my mother expected me to be like her, and I did everything not to be. I went against the current, and it was my choice.

Tree of Life and dead branches; The Family Tree is no different.

Zechariah 6:12-13

"Tell him, ‘This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies says: Here is the man called the Branch. He will branch out from where he is and build the Temple of the Lord. Yes, he will build the Temple of the Lord. Then he will receive royal honor and will rule as king from his throne. He will also serve as priest from his throne, and there will be perfect harmony between his two roles.’"

• The man called the Branch is Jesus Christ. Those who turn to Him for forgiveness will be able to forgive others, and He will forgive them, and those who receive Him will be highly honored in His Kingdom. They will also get grafted to the everlasting Tree of Life!

John 15:1-5

“I am the true grapevine, and my Father is the gardener. He cuts off every branch of mine that doesn’t produce fruit, and he prunes the branches that do bear fruit so they will produce even more. You have already been pruned and purified by the message I have given you. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. For a branch cannot produce fruit if it is severed from the vine, and you cannot be fruitful unless you remain in me.

“Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. For apart from me you can do nothing."

With all this understanding, I could forgive my mother and brother. However, they have never changed. They never looked within to find their faults and treated me as usual. I have made excuses about their behavior, trying to be kind, but it wasn't good for either side.

As years went by, the hatred started creeping back in because my love never got reciprocated. They took advantage of me, betrayed, robbed me, and still blamed me. They think of themselves as the victims telling everyone falsehoods about me.

• Proverbs 17:13 "If you repay good with evil, evil will never leave your house."

It was another lesson I had to learn. I was a new branch, but they were still dead; they still followed idols. They cannot see that their beliefs only create destruction and that their fruits are rotten.

I had to cut them off like dead branches. And then, my New Life in Christ began.

2 Corinthians 6:14-18

"Don’t team up with those who are unbelievers. How can righteousness be a partner with wickedness? How can light live with darkness? What harmony can there be between Christ and the devil? How can a believer be a partner with an unbeliever? And what union can there be between God’s temple and idols? For we are the temple of the living God. As God said:

“I will live in them and walk among them. I will be their God, and they will be my people. Therefore, come out from among unbelievers, and separate yourselves from them, says the Lord. Don’t touch their filthy things, and I will welcome you. And I will be your Father, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”

Once I had done that, I also realized that I needed to pay attention to myself like I paid attention to my grandma; and forgive myself because I blamed myself for many things that were out of my control or were not my own, to begin with.

For example, I loved others, thinking they would love me back, but they never did. So I had to learn how to love and value myself. The value was already there; I didn't see it.

• I believed there was a light in everyone, but it's false. So I was lying to myself.

• If they had the light, they would also have love; God is love. So they wouldn't hate me, wouldn't betray me, wouldn't take advantage of me, and wouldn't spread lies about me.

• I stopped making excuses for their bad behavior.

• I shattered the world of illusion I was living in, leading me to true Repentance.

• I received the Holy Spirit and became God's daughter. The works I do to glorify the Father prove my Faith.

Galatians 2:20-21

"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. I do not treat the grace of God as meaningless. For if keeping the law could make us right with God, then there was no need for Christ to die."

Matthew 24:31-35

"And he will send out his angels with the mighty blast of a trumpet, and they will gather his chosen ones from all over the world—from the farthest ends of the earth and heaven." Now learn a lesson from the fig tree. When its branches bud and its leaves begin to sprout, you know that summer is near. In the same way, when you see all these things, you can know his return is very near, right at the door. I tell you the truth, this generation will not pass from the scene until all these things take place. Heaven and earth will disappear, but my words will never disappear."

Do I still hate them? Not at all! Even though; the last time I saw my mother, she tried to take a swing at me for reminding her of her deeds, and my brother erupted like a volcano and condemned me to the Lake of Fire after I told him that I received the Holy Spirit and became God's daughter. I stayed quiet as he vented his mockery. It doesn't affect me because I know and understand how blind they are, so they can no longer stir my emotions. I won over death, so it doesn't scare me anymore.

Proverbs 25:22

"If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink. You will heap burning coals of shame on their heads, and the Lord will reward you."

They are my enemies, always have been, but I love them anyways. I cannot be around them as much as they cannot be around me. The Light of Jesus Christ exposes their darkness. Would I know the everlasting Love of my God if I didn't suffer so much in hatred I got born into? Probably not. So, I'm thankful.

I chose God; way back when I was in kindergarten. It was the best decision of my life.

John 14:15-21

“If you love me, obey my commandments. And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Advocate, who will never leave you. He is the Holy Spirit, who leads into all truth. The world cannot receive him, because it isn’t looking for him and doesn’t recognize him. But you know him, because he lives with you now and later will be in you. No, I will not abandon you as orphans—I will come to you. Soon the world will no longer see me, but you will see me. Since I live, you also will live. When I am raised to life again, you will know that I am in my Father, and you are in me, and I am in you. Those who accept my commandments and obey them are the ones who love me. And because they love me, my Father will love them. And I will love them and reveal myself to each of them.”

Darkness and light can't co-exist.

I hope they and anyone who reads this find the guts to look within because the Narrow Gate of Jesus Christ starts there.

And that's where forgiveness lives!

Isaiah 55:7

"Let the wicked change their ways and banish the very thought of doing wrong. Let them turn to the Lord that he may have mercy on them. Yes, turn to our God, for he will forgive generously."

*Keep in mind: an idol isn't only a statue or a painting. It is anything that is prioritized over God. This includes other people, money, possessions, and addictions.