My Testimony
“For it is my Father’s will that
ALL WHO SEE HIS SON AND BELIEVE IN HIM SHOULD HAVE ETERNAL LIFE.
I will raise them up at the last day.”
John 6:40
Life has always been hard for me. Since I was born, I felt like I was blamed for things that weren’t my fault. Early on, I sensed I was trapped in a spiritual prison, though I didn’t know why. Even though the people who should have protected me treated me harshly and I was bullied by others, I kept hoping that one day I would be free.
I grew up in a strict Roman Catholic home where everything felt routine and traditional. Love seemed like a fairytale I only saw on TV or read about in books. It always felt out of reach, as if I wasn’t good enough for it.
As a teenager, I stopped going to the Catholic church, but my family didn’t seem to care that I had gone my own way. In my early twenties, I became a single mother. The New Age beliefs I followed, along with the abuse I faced, left me feeling desperate. I begged God to end my life because I believed in reincarnation and wanted a fresh start. Not long after, I ended up in the ER with a life-threatening condition. I thought this was the end, that my prayer was being answered. While lying in the hospital hallway, I saw what looked like a shower of light pouring over me. It brought me back to life and gave me new faith. I was left speechless. A few hours later, I left the hospital on my own and decided to seek God. Someone told me, “You are born again,” and I believed it.
My new faith in God led to backlash from my family and friends, and it got so bad that I had to move to another country. Even then, they still tried to make me feel guilty and manipulated me from afar. After two years, I came back to the U.S., joined a non-denominational church, and was baptized in water. I got a certificate saying I had received the Holy Spirit, and I believed it. Over time, though, I felt stuck spiritually. I wanted to learn more and grow, but my questions about the Bible were never answered. People told me that faith was enough and we didn’t need to understand everything. That made me uncomfortable, so I left the church because it felt pointless. My health started to get worse again. I was living with my mother, who did everything she could to make me feel crazy: daily gaslighting, manipulations, guilt trips, control, and attempts to undermine and erase my sense of self. Then everything came to a head, the built-up in me finally exploded. It was a survival. I stood up to this bully called “my mother,” and she didn’t know how to handle me anymore. I finally got away from her, and a lot of truths came out. I grieved, and I cried for a long time. It’s as if she died, not the real her, but the masks she wears. I buried all illusions.
One day, I looked around and felt nothing but hatred for the world. I didn’t want to be part of it anymore. Everything felt pointless. My body was close to giving out from pain and exhaustion, and my heart was broken. The pain was so strong that I fell to my knees and cried out to God for help, hoping someone would hear me. I just wanted the nightmare to stop. In my despair, I yelled out for Jesus Christ to save me, and I was not going to stop until I got His response. I was guided to this verse:
Matthew 6:23
“But when your eye is unhealthy, your whole body is filled with darkness. And if the light you think you have is actually darkness, how deep that darkness is!”
That was when I realized I was not truly born again. Even though I had avoided physical sins and tried to stay pure, my heart was still full of darkness. I was not a new person. I still held on to hatred, envy, jealousy, and lust. God showed me that I had not repented of my spiritual sins. I did not know before that these were also sins I needed to confess. I acted right away.
Overcome with grief, I turned to God in prayer and admitted I was guilty of breaking all His laws. I confessed everything. I thought about each commandment and told God I had failed to keep them. I felt I deserved to die and hated my life. I said, “God, before you take my life, I forgive everyone who hurt me. Please, forgive them, too.” As I lay on the floor crying, I felt as if I could see myself from above, almost like seeing myself through God’s eyes. I felt His compassion and began to understand why these things had happened to me. I forgave myself, too. Even then, I still thought I would die physically, but I did not. For the next three days, I stayed in bed, unable to move or eat. I fought off the devil in my mind as he attacked me with painful memories, insults, and traumas. I kept telling him to leave me alone in the name of Jesus Christ. If I had to describe death, that was it. Now I know I was being tested and purified, and it felt as if my soul was on fire.
On the third day, I woke up feeling refreshed and full of joy. It was as if I had a new body, free from pain and misery. Suddenly, I saw the Glory of God before me. I recognized Him and said, “Jesus, it’s you!” while standing in awe. The love and peace that emanated for Him is indescribable, I never want it to end! He forgave me and filled me with His Spirit. The Glory I saw entered me, and I found myself shouting, “Abba Father!” without thinking. I ran to my daughter to share what had happened, and together we heard a trumpet sound outside the window. It was pure happiness and excitement. This was the day I had dreamed of for as long as I could remember—the day I was set free in Spirit. It felt like rising from the grave into a new life. The Holy Spirit told me to share the Good News and opened my mind to understand the Scriptures. The first passage He showed me confirmed everything that had just happened.
Galatians 4:6 “And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.”
Romans 8:28-30 "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son, so that his Son would be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And having chosen them, he called them to come to him. And having called them, he gave them right standing with himself. And having given them right standing, HE GAVE THEM HIS GLORY."
My NEW LIFE in Holiness began on 9/25/2022. I’m filled with peace, joy, love, patience, and hope. I feel NO guilt, NO shame, and NO darkness. It’s all gone into a distant memory. My new life is in Christ and for Christ. The love and peace is still with me, as just as He promised in John 15:11, my joy overflows! I give all the Glory and Honor to my Creator! Our Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel! 💗
What undeserved love God pours out on us! Repentance is not ‘works,’ it’s a privilege - an act of Faith!
1 John 5:4-12 "For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith. And who can win this battle against the world? Only those who believe that Jesus is the Son of God. And Jesus Christ was revealed as God’s Son by his baptism in water and by shedding his blood on the cross—not by water only, but by water and blood. And the Spirit, who is truth, confirms it with his testimony. So we have these THREE WITNESSES—THE SPIRIT, THE WATER, AND THE BLOOD—and ALL THREE AGREE. Since we believe human testimony, surely we can believe the greater testimony that comes from God. And God has testified about his Son. All who believe in the Son of God know in their hearts that this testimony is true. Those who don’t believe this are actually calling God a liar because they don’t believe what God has testified about his Son. And this is what God has testified: He has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son. Whoever has the Son has life; whoever does not have God’s Son does not have life.”
1 John 1:1-4 “We proclaim to you the one who existed from the beginning, whom we have heard and seen. We saw him with our own eyes and touched him with our own hands. He is the Word of life. This one WHO IS LIFE ITSELF was revealed to us, and we have seen him. And now we testify and proclaim to you that HE IS THE ONE WHO IS ETERNAL LIFE. He was with the Father, and then he was revealed to us. We proclaim to you what we ourselves have actually seen and heard so that you may have fellowship with us. And our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ. We are writing these things so that you may fully share our joy.”
I hope everyone who discovers this ministry comes with an open mind and heart, ready to grow. Faith and repentance are essential steps. My wish is for everyone to experience Salvation and share in the love and joy I receive from God.